dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Dicks are not precious.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
