Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
