I'm gonna have a badass scar
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
