when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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