Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
