if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
