Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i wish my penis had a tongue
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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