Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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