When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
im about as happy as oj after his trial
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
