I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
