Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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