I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
