Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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