But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
