My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
