....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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