why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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