I think I just saw someone hide a body.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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