then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
What a dumb baby whore.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
