so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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