I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
