He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize