Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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