Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
