I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
