im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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