I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
