My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
