I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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