just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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