i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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