Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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