You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
