Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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