Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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