As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize