We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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