Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
