Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Acid is not a monday night drug
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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