just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Randomize
