Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize