I'm drive I can fine osifer
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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