We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
