And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
