Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
