I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
