Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
