Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
