We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
