You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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