Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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