everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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