Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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