Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
