he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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