I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
