Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
