your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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