On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
