JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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