my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
