So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
