Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
