I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I touched a dick in church today
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
