My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
