What did we do last night that was yellow?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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