we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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